Both of them started out as friends and in due course of time were deeply in love. Their courtship was full of fun, coffees and fights too [being friends keeps you aware of the other’s love life ;)] In time the wedding was fixed, and since then things have nagged me. Now, both are normal rational people madly in love. And they are also ‘friends’. This ‘claim’ nags me. I mean over the years I have seen both of them change distinctly and the relationship turning into more of a love relationship. The ‘friend’ factor seems to have diminished. During conversations with my friend I have noticed initially subtle and now increasingly pronounced traces of the friendship receding. Even when in a group the difference is evident; not in terms of coochicooing and stuff – as such they are against ‘public display’ and there have never been any embarrassing situations when in a group. But still one could make out that the ‘friend’ factor in their behavior, their conversations, their body language had changed. They were friends only because they were girlfriend-boyfriend and not husband-wife.
Many people I have come across usually end up being engrossed in trying to be the best partner, a good lover, a good spouse. I have hardly ever seen people taking efforts at trying to be good friends. Most want to be politically correct. Many are scared of instability and the relationship going sour, so they end up playing it safe. Try to please the other. According to me between friends these things do not matter. You might never want the friendship to go sour but you are usually frank about your thoughts, don’t necessarily play it politically correct, diplomatic at all times. You don’t necessarily try to please the other; don’t forgo your desires for them.
And so I wonder if my friend is really marrying her ‘best friend’ or her ‘erstwhile best friend’!?!
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12 comments:
I would put Suyog's statement in a slightly different way. For a couple to be truly comfortable with each other, they have to be best friends.
It's difficult to define friendship in a relationship, but it is there for sure... If cootchiecooing and whispering sweet nothings constitute love, then ribbing each other and playing pranks on one another - does this constitute friendship? For a wholesome relationship, you just gotta be best friends. Love is in addition to this.
Shouldn't a partner be more than a friend ? I mean u can have as many friends as u want but u cant have that intimacy with all,right ?
phew! I never think so much! :P
Nirwa
Suyog: Hmm... so long the terms friendship and lovers are not clearly defined it would be difficult to really say how it is. and so the confusion.
Shruthi:Probably friends, but best friends?
vinod iyer: right!
nirwa: you don't? no wonder you have turned all green...na sochnese sherir hara ho jata hai! (that's what the pendulum said ;))
big deal....."friends" ....its just a tag...another name for a relationship....this is a kind of post which would make me curse my parents.....why did they make me learn to read !!!
this reminds me of seinfeld....a post about absolutely NOTHING ....just playing around with words to form a legitimate paragraph...
no offence meant...just my honest opinion
Thats something I always wondered. I guess its the fact that when you are in love, that assumes higher priority over anything else, even friends. Its might be a coincidence that this love might override the friendship with the person whom you love.
Since the last sentence made very little sense, I'll leave it at that. How about you? Have you found anyone yet? Have your friends complained about a change in your attitude after that? Its all relative, I guess. Some people handle it beautifully, some don't !
-PeAcE
--WiTh
---GuNs
guns: Probably love assumes higher importance. Who can say? Guess saying its relative and subjective is the easiest way out.
Interesting point. In many ways, that's true - after you become a couple, you're probably not as honest as you would be if the other person was just a friend.
Esp. after you get married, your life is bound to the other. But it's not necessarily a bad thing. As long as the two people still talk to each other, can relate to each other and are there for the other, it's a good thing - call it friends or lovers or whatever.
My husband and I were friends for 5 years before we turned our relationship into that of a man-woman relationship. Today, we have been married for almost 10 years - and I believe that the friendship factor is the most important part of our relationship. My husband is my "bestest" friend even today. Maybe, in more ways than one, we still remain better friends than we are a couple.
Now Memsahib you have to tell us about your glorious married life where the world is so much simpler and make all us single people jealous and want to run to a shaadi bureau!
I have been married 10 years to a man whom I met as a colleague and then a friend and eventually got married. But friendship has been the factor that dominates our relationship. We are not the usual " politically correct " couple. so, yes we have many differences and huge gaps. But because our friendship takes over, our relationship continues blissfully, so does our marriage which is only secondary.
Reena
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