Both of them started out as friends and in due course of time were deeply in love. Their courtship was full of fun, coffees and fights too [being friends keeps you aware of the other’s love life ;)] In time the wedding was fixed, and since then things have nagged me. Now, both are normal rational people madly in love. And they are also ‘friends’. This ‘claim’ nags me. I mean over the years I have seen both of them change distinctly and the relationship turning into more of a love relationship. The ‘friend’ factor seems to have diminished. During conversations with my friend I have noticed initially subtle and now increasingly pronounced traces of the friendship receding. Even when in a group the difference is evident; not in terms of coochicooing and stuff – as such they are against ‘public display’ and there have never been any embarrassing situations when in a group. But still one could make out that the ‘friend’ factor in their behavior, their conversations, their body language had changed. They were friends only because they were girlfriend-boyfriend and not husband-wife.
There are many couples who start out as friends and claim to be friends all through their lives. Sometimes even the best of friends! Films also promote this theme – college friends falling in love, “dosti ko rishtedari mein badal de” etc etc. Lines like “I want to make friendship with you” (that’s horrible English!!) with an intention of nothing else but flirting or dating are common. It’s a routine for friends to fall in love. My only concern is do they continue to be friends all their life? The words ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ imply that the couple are friends to each other, but are they? Do the sweet nothings and intimacies make the ‘couple’ factor dominate? Is then the ‘friendship’ hibernating only to blossom later? Even when after a few years the initial attraction and love is lost, is the friendship alive?
And then what is this being ‘friends’ all about? Does it mean that you share a wavelength, understand each other considerably and enjoy each other’s company? Or is it all about a good dialogue about varied issues of interest to them together or individually? Is it about going out, having similar experiences, sharing them and having fun? What exactly is it to be friends when being a couple?
Many people I have come across usually end up being engrossed in trying to be the best partner, a good lover, a good spouse. I have hardly ever seen people taking efforts at trying to be good friends. Most want to be politically correct. Many are scared of instability and the relationship going sour, so they end up playing it safe. Try to please the other. According to me between friends these things do not matter. You might never want the friendship to go sour but you are usually frank about your thoughts, don’t necessarily play it politically correct, diplomatic at all times. You don’t necessarily try to please the other; don’t forgo your desires for them.
And so I wonder if my friend is really marrying her ‘best friend’ or her ‘erstwhile best friend’!?!