A mindset change to stop honor killings

"As India tries to fly high with its nuclear deals, claims to an UNSC permanent seat, ~8% growth rate, a sense of moral uprightness in dealing with Pakistan, condemning human rights abuses across the globe etc. such disgraceful events will only deal a blow to its international image. ‘Honor killings’ are murders, human right abuses, atrocities against women, denial of individual’s freedom of choice, and a display of the failure of the law and order situation in the country. India cannot claim to be a democracy, one of the biggest at that, if it cannot guarantee its citizen their fundamental rights to live on their own terms..."

My latest post on honor killings at the FPA India blog.

Aai mala pan fugaaaa

Kasab's desire to have someone tie him a rakhi as reported by the ToI makes him sound like a child who wants something colorful and shiny that the others have.

"He expressed his desire after he saw several people in court sporting colourful 'rakhis' during the day's proceedings," his government-appointed lawyer S.G. Abbas Kazmi told mediapersons."

New age kirtankars

There are few news that truly surprise you. And there is nothing about yoga and goras that surprises me anymore. But I came across a correction in NYT for an article titled "Yoga Enthusiasts Hear the Call of Kirtan" and I was almost stupefied. I immediately pictured the traditional kirtankars you find in temples across India. The performances might differ according to region, but the basic idea remains the same. Here it was a gora kirtankar singing.

Of course to me the image is that out of a Sant Tukaram film. For years Marathi films had at least one Kirtan sequence. They had some of the best poetry and music, rendered in a soulful voice that can touch even someone as non-religious as me. I remembered a couple of live Kirtans I have attended and their capacity to move you. And my grandfather who began as a kirtankar and they say he was one of the best there was. Today I would give a million dollars to hear my grandfather sing again!

I wish I were a chemist

The other night we finally watched Casablanca, one of the greatest movies of all times. True to its legend Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart have heartbreaking onscreen chemistry. Something like what you see with Michelle and Barack Obama or Heidi Klum and Seal. A chemistry you wish for in your own life, and that of your loved ones. Something that creates a warm fuzzy feeling in your heart that you cannot define but everyone knows. An universal visual clue for all's well.

And so it is difficult to see that chemistry disappear before your eyes. A few years ago when a friend divorced it was difficult to see the magic fade. As another friend faces troubles it brings back memories and I fear the worst. Makes me wish I were a chemist and could find the philosopher's stone. I wish I could help them recreate that magic, feel that sexual tension and let the world see it too. I don't know if marriage counselors, couple's therapists do that. If it is humanly possible for a third person to rekindle that fire. An outsider can only listen, advise them to have a conversation, do things together to develop camaraderie, bond over common interests...but if they have lost the magic, if that chemical reaction in their brain is missing ingredients, can these "activities" help?

Even as my husband anguished over the fate of our friend's relationship, we began discussing what could have helped them. And over and over again we kept coming back to the centrality of conversation in a relationship. If you can have a dialogue with the other person you should be safe, we thought. It doesn't have to be profound or intellectually stimulating. It only needs to be a dialogue. In a stereotypical situation the women are viewed as the talkers who keep blabbering and nagging the poor man. But that does not amount to a conversation, and does not serve the purpose. Reflecting on our own relationship we know it is strong because no matter how much I nag or blabber, we talk a lot. I think the long-distance relationship we have had for the last four years came handy. Chats and telephones kept us talking, helping to understand each other better. Long-distance relationships falter because conversations are limited. For us it was the only way to enjoy each other's company when chances of living together were bleak.

Of course I do not mean to oversimplify and say that the ability to talk is all it takes. A certain level of attraction is crucial, as are shared interests and values. Personalities do matter. But as a romantic and super-believer in the ability of dialogue to solve problems even of an international nature, I cannot let go of the feeling that if only they could talk more our friends would be happier. If only I were a chemist...

The art of teasing

As I read this piece in the New York Times this morning, I kept nodding my head in agreement. I remembered all the times I have teased my siblings, mother, friends, even colleagues. The times my two year old nephew mimics and teases his dad, my dad. It brings a smile, creates a bond.

"In seeking to protect our children from bullying and aggression, we risk depriving them of a most remarkable form of social exchange. In teasing, we learn to use our voices, bodies and faces, and to read those of others — the raw materials of emotional intelligence and the moral imagination. We learn the wisdom of laughing at ourselves, and not taking the self too seriously. We learn boundaries between danger and safety, right and wrong, friend and foe, male and female, what is serious and what is not. We transform the many conflicts of social living into entertaining dramas."

The author, Dacher Keltner says what my husband tells me each time he teases and I get upset - "To tease is to woo wisely." According to my husband, the fact that you tease someone implies that you are devoting comparatively greater attention to the person, his qualities, quirks, and habits. You are thinking of him/her. It implies recognition, interest, concern, comfort, a certain amount of love for the person. Teasing is a reflection of love. It's time we learnt to love it again.

The 'other' story

Yesterday the TOI fooled me with this headline. And today ibnlive.com did the same. Only this time it has changed the entire story. Both the Times and IBN carry precisely the same headline "Maharashtra to legalize live-in relationships." However, while the TOI talks about it in terms of the 'other woman' in a polygamous relationship, IBN makes no reference to it and interprets it as a live-in relationship as in Salaam Namaste. If both reports are talking of the same cabinet decision, I see no reason why such confusion should exist. If anyone has the real story, I would like to see it.

However, no matter what the real interpretation is, it is a bold move. Going by the IBN interpretation, it is a welcome step that recognizes the reality of 21C India. It tells me that the government is thinking ahead where we are sure to see an increase in the incidence of live-in relationships. And legal recognition would go a long way in making things easier for the people involved and also lead to social acceptance of such couples. It indicates a desire to move beyond the flawed "Indians don't do this" mentality. And I am really surprised and happy that the government should be the first one to do it.

And that is precisely why I think the IBN interpretation is wrong. I think the state is legalizing the status of the 'other woman.' I am not sure I want to be happy about it as (from a Hindu law perspective) it promotes polygamy. And even with my limited understanding of the way law functions, it contradicts the monogamous idea within the Hindu marriage law. (I am open to being enlightened upon this apparent contradiction.)

As for other religions that allow for polygamous relationships, it is a welcome step. The plight of the 'other woman' is no secret, and some form of legal protection against the whims and fancies of men is long due. 'Other woman' generally has a very derogatory connotation, and such affairs tend to be clandestine. However, these women do bear/raise children and support their men like most other wives. But they also face social humiliation for being the 'other'. Respect both from society and the man is not always generous, to say the least.

While I do not advocate polygamy, given that it is a fact of life, I think we should welcome this decision. Ignoring it or refusing to recognize it will not make infidelity and polygamy go away. It is in the interest of society and human/women's rights that actions be taken to remedy the ills of such behavior. It is important not only for the women concerned, but also the children who have to suffer for their parents actions. I don't think this decision will encourage polygamous relationships, but rather should marginally discourage it. The decision makes it legally expensive (alimony, child support ) to have an extramarital and/or polygamous relationship which should ideally dissuade people from it.

Of course all this comes after the media has finally decided what the real decision is.

ABC to XYZ

Many of my friends and acquaintances have been getting married lately. Nothing surprising as most of them are in their mid- or late-twenties, and it is their "age" to get married. What is surprising though is how many of those girls are changing their names. The most recent one being a friend from college who changed her entire name, first, middle and last! I am no bra-burning feminist, but I cannot seem to empathize or even understand why someone would do that today.

In earlier days the reasons were simple, it is tradition to change the bride's name and you do it. No questions asked. Then when you did ask questions there were other reasons to do it - you did not want to hurt anyone's feelings, family pressure, you hated your name and could not wait to change it, romantic notions of submerging your identity with the husband's, not really caring what your name was etc. However, in today's situation I see no reason or incentive for anyone to change their entire identity. If you really hate your name that much, I shall make an exception.

Most of the girls I know and am talking of are independent, educated and working, with established identities. With marriage nothing of that changes, you still (majority of the times) continue to work, have your opinions etc. To me changing my name is giving up my identity. When my sister got married I was worried if they would want to change her name. No matter how 'modern' in outlook they were, or how unique my sister's name is. I was concerned. But not once did I assume that my sister would voluntarily want to change her entire name. She took up her husband's name but her first name is still the same.

The whole point of this rant is trying to figure out what the incentive is to change their entire name. Changing the last name does not bother me as much, as I know there are too many social issues, pressures and tradition that exists even today. It is changing the first name that really bothers me. I have been thinking about it for long enough and I am at my wits end. Expect for hating your own name, and coercion I cannot think of anything. And in the cases that I know of coercion is definitely not the reason. And the former is also doubtful. So why? Why do girls chose to change their entire name after marriage even today?

"Movies that lulled you to sleep"

Today IBNLive carries a slide-show of ten most boring movies of all times. And I am surprised by some of the names on the list viz. The English Patient (10th), Remains of the Day (7th), A Beautiful Mind (5th), and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (3rd). I have not seen the remaining six and cannot comment upon them. But these four films could easily make to my favorite films list.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind according to me is a beautifully made film with an original storyline that is engrossing. I could have never imagined Jim Carrey doing what he did in this one. I have seen it twice and not once did it bore me. The English Patient I watched late at night, and still did not fall asleep. Ralph Fiennes is amazing in the film. (I can see why he could have been chosen to play Voldemort in Harry Potter.) Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson make Remains of the Day a truly wonderful experience. As for A Beautiful Mind, I really don't understand. What surprises me the most is that half of these are award winning films! Agreed that not all nominations and awards are deserving, but about these four I have no doubt. It really makes me wonder who, and how many people vote at these polls that churn out top tens.

Lessons in deterrence

I don't believe I am saying this, but a 'mangalsutra' actually has deterrence value!? Over the last six months of wearing one I have sensed how the previous 'gazes' abruptly stop at the neck. But what made me write this is when someone not only stopped at the neck, but also put on an extremely guilty face and walked away almost ashamed! All this makes no sense given the fact that back home a 'mangalsutra' does not stop people from ogling. So what's different here?

Tehelka does it again

The recent Tehelka sting operation that caught Narendra Modi’s conspiracy on tape is as appalling as it could get. The vivid descriptions of how the massacres were committed, without any remorse but instead pride make you wonder what these men are made of.

I had a talk with one of my friends about it. He was angry at the guts of those men, their inhumane killings, and the probability that the BJP would be voted to power again in Gujarat.

And then he committed the fallacy every one of us does. Castigate Islam as a religion when a suicide bomber attacks. Castigate Hinduism for what those men did. As appalled as I was by those heinous acts, I have lived my 24 years knowing Hinduism to be nothing but good. I have known about the atrocities committed by the Hindus during the riots in Mumbai, in Gujarat, the riots at the time of independence. I hated those who did it as much as I respected my religion. And when he attacked that faith my first reaction was to defend it. I asked him to not extrapolate about either Hinduism or Hindus. Because by doing so I felt like perpetrator of the crime.

He was appalled that at such a time when he was expressing his anger at the genocidal nature of those crimes, all I could think of was defend my religion. I did not jump the wagon and go Hindu bashing with him. I did not express with as much passion the anger I felt at those men. So why did I not? You might think I am being inhumane too. But do you not jump to defend if a part of your identity is attacked. The impact of the tapes, the anger my friend felt and expressed, the shame I felt that the crimes were being committed in the name of the religion I identify with, the sudden flash of similar atrocities during riots, they all attacked my sense of identity that I derived from being a Hindu. They were trying to take away an identity I did not want to give up. Most of my ideals, beliefs, actions, and ethics come from this identity. I was born and brought up in a family that believed in it with all its heart. That voted for the Janata Party and the BJP. Because of the severity of the crimes of those men, when he attacked Hinduism I wanted to protect it even more. In that one moment he had not only attacked my identity as a Hindu, but also my upbringing, my parents. It was like pointing fingers at all of us. At all those people I consider to be some of the most gentle and humane.

Probably I am taking it too far. Trying to rationalize my appalling reaction to his attack on Hinduism. But that is where the reaction came from. I would have reacted the same way if I were a Muslim and he had attacked Islam. It is not the religion that is in the wrong, it is the men who did the act. This is probably one of the easiest escapes to it all. But it is the truth. That is why it is easy for fundamentalists to gather support. They play upon the fear of possible loss of identity that people feel when their religion is attacked. It is a fact of life that most people identify themselves with some religion and put a lot of faith in it. It is no wonder that when you ask someone who they are they answer as being a Muslim, a Hindu, a Christian. They react the sharpest when that identity is attacked. It is no wonder that during riots, in spite of ample evidence of what their fellow men are doing, the Hindus back the Hindus and the Muslims back the Muslims.

If you think about any conflict situations you have been in, you will find that every time you react with anger, or get defensive it is because the other person is threatening one of your identities. Your identity as a good manager, a good wife, a righteous person… anything that you hold dear. Every time you succeed in dealing with a difficult person it is because you have someway taken away the threat to his identity. That is why almost all arguments will have someone saying things like “why are you taking it so personally?”

The Tahelka has done a good job at unmasking Narendra Modi and the BJP. They will suffer if there are midterm elections. But as my friend pointed out Modi might win again in Gujarat, due to the support for his economic policies. The perpetrators will go scot-free, even more confident that they can get as brutal as possible, as no one can touch them. Questions will be raised about India’s democracy. Where the country is heading politically and morally. How it will affect our international image. Weather we will be able to keep the Islamic fundamentalists from wanting revenge. And thanks to our short term memory, everything will be forgotten until someone again threatens our sense of identity.

"Kyun na is dosti ko..."

One of my friends is all set to marry her 'best friend' next week. Both of them are very excited, impatient and hoping the D-Day arrives immediately! Having known both of them since college, I know they make a lovely compatible couple. However there is something that keeps nagging me.

Both of them started out as friends and in due course of time were deeply in love. Their courtship was full of fun, coffees and fights too [being friends keeps you aware of the other’s love life ;)] In time the wedding was fixed, and since then things have nagged me. Now, both are normal rational people madly in love. And they are also ‘friends’. This ‘claim’ nags me. I mean over the years I have seen both of them change distinctly and the relationship turning into more of a love relationship. The ‘friend’ factor seems to have diminished. During conversations with my friend I have noticed initially subtle and now increasingly pronounced traces of the friendship receding. Even when in a group the difference is evident; not in terms of coochicooing and stuff – as such they are against ‘public display’ and there have never been any embarrassing situations when in a group. But still one could make out that the ‘friend’ factor in their behavior, their conversations, their body language had changed. They were friends only because they were girlfriend-boyfriend and not husband-wife.

There are many couples who start out as friends and claim to be friends all through their lives. Sometimes even the best of friends! Films also promote this theme – college friends falling in love, “dosti ko rishtedari mein badal de” etc etc. Lines like “I want to make friendship with you” (that’s horrible English!!) with an intention of nothing else but flirting or dating are common. It’s a routine for friends to fall in love. My only concern is do they continue to be friends all their life? The words ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ imply that the couple are friends to each other, but are they? Do the sweet nothings and intimacies make the ‘couple’ factor dominate? Is then the ‘friendship’ hibernating only to blossom later? Even when after a few years the initial attraction and love is lost, is the friendship alive?

And then what is this being ‘friends’ all about? Does it mean that you share a wavelength, understand each other considerably and enjoy each other’s company? Or is it all about a good dialogue about varied issues of interest to them together or individually? Is it about going out, having similar experiences, sharing them and having fun? What exactly is it to be friends when being a couple?

Many people I have come across usually end up being engrossed in trying to be the best partner, a good lover, a good spouse. I have hardly ever seen people taking efforts at trying to be good friends. Most want to be politically correct. Many are scared of instability and the relationship going sour, so they end up playing it safe. Try to please the other. According to me between friends these things do not matter. You might never want the friendship to go sour but you are usually frank about your thoughts, don’t necessarily play it politically correct, diplomatic at all times. You don’t necessarily try to please the other; don’t forgo your desires for them.

And so I wonder if my friend is really marrying her ‘best friend’ or her ‘erstwhile best friend’!?!

Thinking aloud

It's been two years since 'he' shifted base and we began this phase of being in a long distance relationship. Two years since 'he' became a voice, a photograph. Having seen and heard of long distance relationships collapsing within the first few months, I take it as a big moral booster that 'we' are going stronger than ever before. There have been the ups and downs, innumerable debates and lots of tears, but each time I feel it adds to the relationship, to our understanding of each other, to the trust and love that binds us.

And yet now that the judai is nearing its end, I find myself scared of the entire prospect of meeting 'him' in person. The seven seas do not restrict or dampen our daily communications. If we are to meet tomorrow the conversation would be a continuation from where we left off yesterday. But then I am mighty scared of meeting 'him' in person.

I fear I have fallen for the distance. The fact that an email or phone call though capable of conveying everything also gives me a chance to veil and shield uncomfortable and disturbing facts, feelings and thoughts is very comforting. The feeling of being in a relationship and yet having your own space (lots of it!) is enticing. Two years is a long time for anyone to fall in love with that feeling.

And most importantly the fact that after two years each one of us must have changed in ways that cannot be conveyed through phone calls and emails. Things that might not have been anticipated, that the other could never have even dreamt of, matters of habit, changes in thought processes due to cultural differences…. lots of things that could surprise and shock. In such a situation when you meet the person with the old image in mind, and also the understanding that things might have changed, how do you react? A restrained reaction could be interpreted for lack of love? A fear, some awkwardness due to years of distance... how does one count for it? How does one assure oneself that such differences are minor and would not harm the relationship? How does one stop worrying and wondering about various scenarios that might arise, that one might rather avoid?

I fear all this and so I communicate. 'We' talk ceaselessly about all our fears, apprehensions and plans. Nothing is left unsaid. But we know it's humanly impossible to communicate everything one thinks of. The probability of things a human mind can conceive out of things left unsaid is immense. It could be subconscious, but it's there. It impacts our behaviour, our interpretations. It impacts the relationship.

Add to it leaving behind your family, your city, everything you have grown up with and shifting base to a completely new country, a new culture; what are the repercussions of it on the relationship? Do you channelise your energies towards adjusting and adapting to the new environment or do you worry about your relationship more? Do you try to overcome the homesickness, the loneliness, the unprotectedness or do you worry about what you are saying to your partner, your choice of words, your choice of actions? Do you try and be pleasing to him/her because he/she's been away for so long, away from you and family and friends and so has naturally suffered a lot emotionally; or do you concentrate on the apprehensions of your parents about sending you so far off, their concerns for your safety, their expectations about your conduct there? What do you do when you suddenly find yourself in a new country with your parents', your partner's and your own expectations piling up on all sides? Who do you turn to? Yourself? Do you expect your parents to understand? Do you expect your partner to stand by you, guide you because he/she has been through some of it and so could give you time to sort out things for yourself? Do you be a bystander and let things take their own course? Who takes the onus for anything that goes wrong? What do you do?!!

Kodak moments

Happened to read to posts here and here dealing with photographs and it got me thinking.

How magical those moments seem when you revisit them through photographs. It is not just your perception, it’s the photographer's perception, the perception of the other characters being pictured. Those small frames convey meanings and emotions that you probably never associated with the moment then. Those school group photographs, the birthday photographs, the wedding ones…….. Here and there you find that at a moment when you were so happy, someone captured at the far end of the frame was actually unhappy. Its like those movies where say during a wedding the couple and their parents are ebullient, but somewhere standing in a corner is that secret admirer who is secretly unhappy, and the camera shows us that. Looking at old photographs can likewise give us a new understanding of people and their feelings. It can probably just change the way we perceive that person.

Sometimes even after a long association with a person, a photograph might just say much more than all those years of knowing each other. I remember looking at some of our colleges photographs with a friend. There was timid kind of a girl, who hardly spoke with anyone, was always there but never noticed. In this particular photograph of a college fest, where some of my friends were dancing, this person could be seen sitting quietly in the crowd, body language not differing but eyes lit up unusually……. a distinct love for dance in them, a strong desire to be up there and perform. And slowly I remembered how she would always liven up at the mention of dance. How sad and hurt she looked when we participated in a dance competition and she happened to be left out. Sigh! How I wish I had known it before…..!

Of course I don’t mean to say it is always sad. You have your lovely memories. You can revisit that slight brush of 'his' hand while the photograph was being clicked and the sudden blush that was thankfully not captured. His fond gaze upon you as he apparently prepared to photograph you all, but you knew….. it opens up such a treasure of memories. Your childhood photograph, were you are atop a tree and even though trying to be out of the frame, your father's hand is just there to hold you if you happen to fall. That pride on your teacher's face (and you always thought she was as emotionless and strict as anyone could ever be) as you hold the trophy.

So many moments…..so many memories adding dimensions to our life and relationships long cherished or long forgotten. Giving a new meaning to our understanding of ourselves, a chance to stand back and evaluate, introspect and grow.

Harsh..... happiness abound!

Nice cool summer Sunday morning. 5.30 Am. Me sleeping blissfully. Suddenly mom waking me up, "Chalo jana hai na, jaldi utho!" "But its Sunday today" (groan). And then the words, "Fine then dad and I will go to the hospital, you can sleep." Immediately I am up as straight as a log, eyes wide open as if I had never been asleep (well my brother was rolling all over the place seeing me so). Give mom a look of disbelief. Mom all smiles.

And thus I became a proud masi (direct English translation is punishable!) that Sunday!!!! My sister had her first baby, a baby boy. An extremely charming little pink baby, with big blackish eyes (but I claim to see a tinge of green in them), tiny lips and holes for the nose, long legs and such-sweet-soft hands! How our lives have changed since then. First thing everyone does as soon as they get up, have a look at the baby. He is awake at 5.30am and playing and making all sorts of noises all by himself till either my sister or someone else joins him. Even I have started getting up real early to play with him. (Disadvantage: mom asking me to go for a morning walk "now that you are awake and the sun is still to rise"!) But then I am smart. I prefer taking the baby for a sunbath. Just as the sun rises and those first rays fall on him, he changes from pink to red. Looks at the sun eyes wide open, then at my mom or me (or anyone else who is around) and then munches upon god-knows-what.

The entire day is spent looking at him cycle, swim (his movements are like he were swimming in the air), look at my sister and smile, follow her with his eyes and ensure that she is within the range of his eyes and not cry but simply makes tiny sounds with his lips whenever he is hungry. Everyone who visits us is so enchanted by these tiny sounds. They all go ga-ga, "such a good boy, doesn’t cry even if he is hungry!" As night falls each one of us has to have a look at him, hold him before we go off to sleep.

It is amazing how such a tiny thing, unknown to the world till a few days back, suddenly becomes the centre of your universe. Every moment, every thought is about him, related to him. Even dinner discussions are about what he did today, how he listened to music and how he did this and that. Life seems wonderful. Feeling tired and low, play with him for a couple of minutes and you are completely rejuvenated. Very happy, play with him and watching him laugh with you the happiness knows no bounds. Not sleepy, try putting him off to sleep and the rocking will make you sleep but he will continue smiling at you. Even the scorching summer heat feels like a cool winter breeze when he laughs and smiles at you………..

Touchwood! for all the 'harsh'bhare days!

well........umm.......errr........

Everybody at my place is eagerly awaiting the arrival of a new baby (not mine!) in the house. And so it is no wonder I can think, dream and see nothing but babies :).(Its like when you or your friend buys a new car/ bike, you suddenly start seeing/ noticing that model everywhere on the road.) I stop and gaze at those beautiful little frocks and winter-wear, those cosy prams, enchanting toys, johnson and johnson ads........ everything!

During one such trancelike moments I suddenly remembered an incident a few months back. My mom-in-law had told me about a friend who recently had a baby. Now that is not surprising except for that the lady has a 16 year old daughter! The lady was all embarrassed telling this to my mom-in-law, but then they also had a hearty laugh. The point that made me think was that her daughter is now ashamed of telling anyone that she has a 7 month old baby brother. Not that it is surprising, even I would have probably felt the same in her situation. But why? Is it because it shows that the parents have a sexual relationship even after all those many years of marriage? Inspite of having a 16 year old child? That they are still attracted to each other and feel the need for 'it'? Because we are so ashamed of accepting the 's' word and more so when it concerns our elders?

A couple of years back I remember watching Pinjar where Lillet Dubey is pregnant at the time they are seeking a match for daughter Urmila Matondkar. I had felt a definite discomfort at that, but then I thought that's how it was those many years ago. All our grandfathers/ mother and even some of our parents do have 6-7 or more siblings and then the age different between the first and the last is more than 15 years too. They never felt ashamed about their siblings or their parent's relationship. Probably because they were 'unaware' of 'birds and bees'? Or it was so normal a thing that no one ever thought it different, embarrassing? Or did they have better things to think about and their minds were not 'polluted' with such thoughts? What was it exactly?

Why are we so ashamed of our sexuality at a time when we claim to be 'modern'? Not as 'narrow-minded' as our ancestors. When we talk and 'defend' live-in relationships, pre-marital sex, one-night stands and extra-marital affairs? When we go ga-ga over those sleazy music videos and Mallika Sherawats? When we talk about introducing sex education in school? When we praise and give examples of the 'westerners' who are sexually involved even in the 50's and 60's. Why are we not just 'shy', but 'ashamed' of this basic need and desire of every human being? Why today? Why not all those many years and decades ago? What has changed?

Is it not wonderful to know that a couple who has been married for a long time, has had kids, still feels the same kind of attraction and love for each other? That advanced age and beer bellies have not led to detachment? That even after fighting and roaring over increased expenses and bills, work stress and less time for oneself, they are eager for those moments of togetherness? That at a time when love generally fades away after a couple of kids and few years of marriage, the couple is still in love so much as to desire each other? Then why be embarrassed and gossip tauntingly? Why not accept and appreciate their love!!